What do you do if someone isn't acting like themselves or posts something concerning on social media?
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To help students, teachers, sports teams and other community members answer that question, a team from R U OK? visited Orange recently as part of a regional road trip.
R U OK? education and young people manager Claire Goodall said people should take four steps: ask, listen, encourage action and check again if they are concerned about someone.
"If someone is worried about someone in their world and they have said they do need help you can access free resources from the R U OK website to help you have that conversation and direct them to services," she said.
"The most important thing is that we all play a role and the person we're supporting might need someone to listen to them or they might need an intervention and we can all play a role in helping that person access help and support."
If a person is caught off guard by a statement made in a conversation, Ms Goodall said staying with the person was the most important thing, listening to what's going on with them, and helping them access support if they need it.
![R U OK? team members Chris Maher, Phil Maher, Daniel Moore, Maria and Claire Goodall visited Orange to spread the message and help people know what to do if a loved one is not ok. Picture by Tanya Marschke R U OK? team members Chris Maher, Phil Maher, Daniel Moore, Maria and Claire Goodall visited Orange to spread the message and help people know what to do if a loved one is not ok. Picture by Tanya Marschke](/images/transform/v1/crop/frm/GpZJ7bTi6nvXt5tnNdnKeU/da08e2d6-b62c-4c1d-ab9c-a5271a225c14.JPG/r403_475_4032_2348_w1200_h678_fmax.jpg)
"If you are caught off guard, knowing the four steps now can help you be prepared if you are in a situation where your friend or partner, or colleague needed support," Ms Goodall said.
"We say learning the four steps early, or the steps of an R U OK? conversation early means you will have the knowledge when you need it."'
Ms Goodall said the visit to Orange included a barbecue with a sports club, a meeting with student leaders from Orange High School, they attended an Orange City Council neighbour centre open day, conducted activities with children at the Bowen Community Centre and had sessions with educators and residents.
Signs to look for
There are several signs people are advised to look out for that indicate it's a good time to ask if someone is okay.
Those signs include what a person says and if their conversation is confused or irrational, moody, being unable to switch off, being concerned about the future, concerned they're a burden, if they're lonely or lacking self-esteem or if you're concerned they're trapped or in pain.
People should also watch out for what a person is doing such as if they are experiencing mood swings, becoming withdrawn, changing their online behaviour, losing interest in what they used to love, if they are unable to concentrate, if they're less interested in their appearance and personal hygiene, if they're behaving recklessly and changing their sleep patterns.
What is going on in someone's life is another thing to look out for. Some issues include relationship issues, major health issues, work pressure or constant stress, financial difficulty and loss of someone or something they care about.
Preparation to ask
Once a person has noticed signs that something's not right they are advised to make sure they are ready for the conversation and that they themselves are in a good headspace, are willing to genuinely listen and can give as much time as needed for the conversation.
People should also make sure they are prepared for the conversation and understand that the person's answer could be "No, I'm not", understand they they can't fix someone's problems and accept the person might not be ready to talk, or that they'd rather talk to someone else.
Then people are advised to pick the right moment for a conversation and make sure they choose a location that's relatively private and comfy, have figured out a time that suits the person to chat and that there's enough time to chat properly.
Step 1: Ask
When it comes to asking the question people are advised to be relaxed, friendly and concerned in their approach and ask questions such as "how are you going?" or "what's been happening?"
People can also mention specific things that have made them concerned such as "you seem less chatty than usual. How are you going?"
However, if the person doesn't want to talk it's important not to criticise them, tell them you're still concerned about changes in their behaviour and you care about them.
It's also important to avoid a confrontation and people could say, "please call me if you ever want to chat," or ask if there's someone else they'd rather talk to.
Step 2: Listen
It is important for people to take what the person says seriously and not to interrupt or rush the conversation.
People are also warned not to judge the person's experiences or reactions but acknowledge that things seem tough for them.
If they need time to think, sit patiently with the silence.
People can also encourage the person to explain more by saying things like, "how are you feeling about that?" or "how long have you felt that way?"
To help the person understand that you've listened people can also repeat back what they've heard, in their own words, and ask if they've understood properly.
Step 3: Encourage action
The third step in the conversation is to encourage action by asking what they've done before in similar situations, how they'd like to be supported by the questioner and what is something they can do for themself now, particularly something enjoyable or relaxing.
People could also offer a suggestion from something that worked for them in a difficult time they also experienced, particularly if they think it would useful for the person they are talking with.
If they've been feeling really down for more than two weeks the listener should encourage them to see a health professional by saying something like, "it might be useful to link in with someone who can support you. I'm happy to assist you to find the right person to talk to."
It's also important to be positive about the role of professionals in getting through tough times.
The R U OK? website has resources to find such professional help.
Ms Goodall said there are also local services that can help such as headspace, doctors, general practitioners as well as national resources.
Step 4: Check in
Following a conversation, it's important to check in with the person, it could be after a couple of weeks but if the person is really struggling, follow up with them sooner.
Something people could say in that instance is, "I've been thinking of you and wanted to know how you've been going since we last chatted."
People can also ask the person if they've found a better way to manage the situation but if they haven't done anything, don't judge them. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment.
It's also important to stay in touch and be there for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference.
R U OK?Day is held on the second Thursday of September, this year it will be on the 14th but the organisation says every day is a day to start a conversation that could change a life.
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